Shootingstar-you just wrote out everything I am feeling. I don't have 20 years worth of grief, but all the same the pain is still there. I am ok one minute and the next I am a pile of tears. I don't know how I got to this point, how he got to this point, and worst of all how we got to this point. My heart is shattered. I wake each morning with panic seizing my chest. I just don't know how to get past this. I shouldn't be grieving-not for doing what is best for myself, yet for some reason I have had the urge to text him I miss him for the past few days (I have stayed strong so far) I hope you and I can both work through our grief. With te help of family, friends, alanon, as sr I know we will be ok.