Hi Rjjer-
Your story is really similar to mine too. I love my ABF with all my heart and would love nothing more than to marry him. We have been together on and off since we were kids. Both in our 30s. Mine is functional too. Unlike you, I an in recovery for my own problem
it doesn't sound like you are ready to let go, and that is ok. You will know when it is time. But in the meantime, go to Al-Anon. At the very least, come here religiously and read this thread. You do have to learn to detach, or get rid of him. I struggle with that myself. It is far from easy.
As for triggering him - you don't trigger him. As an A myself, I can tell you that As look for excuses to drink. Only he can control his drinking - you are giving yourself too much power. My ABF says the same things - he drinks because he had a good day, because we had a fight, because he had a bad day, you name it.
You are right about not nagging though - all that will do is make you crazy.
Hang in there. If only they realized the damage they caused... I know I didn't. Not until now, when the shoe is on the other foot.