good questions anbd thoughts again, meg. good on ya!
look at it like this: would you have wanted to be around you when you were drinking? if yer like me, then hell no!! throwing me out of their lives was one of the greatest moves anyone that was aruond me made.
now heres something else to look at:
you werent a bad person. you were sick; mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
when i got into AA, all that crap from the past, the crap i tried to drink away, was right there in my mind front and center. it took T.I.M.E. for me to get it all sorted out and get me weller.
now heres something i suggest ya do:
go look in the mirror and tell yourself," im not a bad person gettin good. im a sick person gettin weller." keep doin it every time yer near a mirror.
its gonna get better,meg. give it T.I.M.E.