MegTheRunner

Hi everyone, I posted this in the womens' forum but only got 1 response (which was nice but I've decided to re-post.) I'm real troubled and depressed about it so I was hoping you guys could help me out and give me your input...

I have been having a very hard time letting people from the past go-these people (friends and ex's) aren't bad people but through my drinking I pushed them away. I screwed up time and again and now they want nothing to do with me and it hurts alot. I wish I could go back and change things or see them or talk to them again and show them I'm working so hard and that I've changed a bit (or at least am trying to). But calls from them never come (probably never will) and although I know inside my head I should let them go my heart wont.

I get depressed and sad and am tired of holding onto things. Some days I get angry and want them to go through a hard time too. Sometimes I wonder if they ever think about me and then get mad when I tell myself they don't. One person in particular, an old friend who I reconnected with and abruptly lost again a while ago weighs heavily on my mind. I can't call or send a message to this person and daily I think about it. Again I'm tired of thinking about something I cannot change yet I'm constantly reminded of the bad things I've done and our current distance. I wake up missing them and thinking about it, go to bed missing them and thinking about it. What can I do to move on with my life and stop feeling this guilt and sadness??

Anyways just looking for some feedback if you have any. Thank you for listening.