" I just don't understand why I had to lose everything to save myself"
Wow, that made me cry. That is why we stay, the death of a dream. They are very powerful those dreams.
Thank you for your post - I am sorry for your pain. I think divorce is painful no matter how badly you may want it.
I am hoping that this finality will be swift in repairing you and giving you the happiness and peace you desire.
I would rather be lonely than miserable.
Peace to you shootingstar - and congratulations on saving yourself. I hope to make that accomplishment one day.