I never knew how hard it would be to say no either. My brother got picked up for a felony warrant about 4 weeks ago and I am his main family contact (and the only one with any money), so I am the one that gets the calls.
At first I just avoided talking about his bond (avoiding the dreaded 'no' basically). Bond was pretty high and my brother knew that, but then he kept going on and on about getting a lawyer, getting his bond lowered so he could get out, telling me all these bail bondsmen that do lower amounts, etc.
As the days went on, he tried to guilt trip me more and more about various issues in jail. I stopped answering the phone a lot, but that didn't stop the calls.
I finally told him I wasn't bailing him out, but it was like he was just ignoring me, he would just keep talking. He went on and on about he was done with heroin, this was the worst thing ever being in jail, he would do nothing ever to mess this up and end up in prison, he was clean forever now, would never use again, blah blah blah. He doesn't want more help to stay off heroin, any suggestions of talking to a therapist or anyone is met with excuses or anger. He whines about feeling so alone, but he hasn't called a single person other then me.
Last week he was going on and on about his case and how he needs to be out to 'work' the case and pay for a lawyer, and I caught him in another manipulation/lie. I just got angry and said it loud, I AM NOT BAILING YOU OUT OR GETTING YOU A LAWYER. He was livid but had to get off the phone, so we left it at that.
We talked again once since then, and he just said he didn't want to talk about 'that', it was too depressing, so we just chit chatted.
I haven't heard from him since, so either he has given up, or he is just trying to figure out his next angle to try and convince me a different way. If he keeps it up I will just go no contact. As much as I care about him, it will do NO good for either of us if I bail him out, so it is what it is. His decisions got him there, not mine.
Talking to folks on this forum and at my first nar anom meeting last week has helped me tamp down my emotions about this decision, helped me feel confident that I am doing what I need to do for ME and him at the same time. I am still battling some guilt feelings, but I am getting better at moving past it quickly.