jessiec

Hello! I haven't been on in a while. My RABF has stopped drinking and has been working the AA program for 120 days, attending meetings and connecting with his sponsor. For that, I'm incredibly grateful. And I have seen some wonderful changes in him and in his life.

That said, I'm not feeling so wonderful.

We had a fight tonight, similar to other arguments we've had recently. The bottom line: He's avoiding intimacy with me, both physically and emotionally. Not totally, but there is a noticeable difference and distance. If I suggest I would to have a deeper conversation or if I suggest I'd like to be intimate, he tends to freak out, pick a fight and overreact. (We are in our 30s, do not live together, seeing each other 2 years.)

Tonight after a nice dinner and movie and we were just sitting watching TV, I hinted I was ready to turn in with him. He freaked. According to him: I'm "putting too many demands on him." He "can never just sit down and relax." I "can't just let things happen, I've got to control everything." My jaw fell -- all this from suggesting I'd like to be intimate? He went on -- he wants to break up, this relationship isn't going to work ... etc. etc. Words that stung greatly.

After all that, he starts getting ready for bed and motions for me to join him and . I told him if he felt that way, he really needs to leave. Long story short, he left. This isn't the first time this has happened recently. This kind of thing has happened way too often recently.

I feel very rejected and confused. I'm wondering how much of this is related to his sobriety and how much of it is related to me/us.

I was so done with this man in June -- I just had it with his alcoholism after two years. Then, he surprised me by seriously buckling down and getting his life together. He begged me to give him another chance - he loved me, didn't want to lose me, wanted to make all wrongs right.

And now this?

Can anyone offer some perspective? Thanks for listening.
Jessie