I really lost it today. She's out partying.
I went and talked to the neighbor she's staying with while she was out. This neighbor thinks if I "man up" and "organize family events" with my wife and kids that my wife will have a reason not to drink.
The concept feeds my need for control. It's like the sound of a beer opening to borrow a phrase. I can have a part to play in my wife's recovery! If only!
I fear it to be a pipe dream. A false hope. A potentially dangerous hope. It would risk my own recovery, however small it is so far.
What is a healthy amount of contact between her and I? What is a healthy amount of contact between her and the kids? What is a healthy amount of contact with all of us together?
This neighbor suggested I take us all out on a picnic.
I fear that she would say hurtful and alcoholic fueled things. Blame me and I would just have to sit there and take it.
I don't feel strong enough, yet.
I don't know enough yet to defend against these ideas. They feel wrong, but I can't rationalize why yet.