honestly, if i think back to the four years i had clean. i think i never fully recovered. that's the one thing all of us addicts have to accept. that we are addicts for life.
i think i just got used to "being" normal. there were a lot of times and situations where i'd have to act normal, just because being normal was the social thing to do.
after going out more and more i got used to acting normal and it just naturally became the way of my social life.
i do recall though, that after about a year or two in, i started laughing. genuine laughs. good memories.
take it one day at a time and don't try to analyze your mentality so much!
stay busy and set goals if you can!
(whenever im recovering i always tell myself im doing jail time for the crimes i committed... or i tell myself im serving in the military. i donno it just helps me cope with the boredom that i face)
