Yesterday was a dreadful day, thank you all for responses.
I don't want a drink today, it is the depression I need to focus on, it is becoming more obvious I am suffering from depression and need to find ways to overcome these really dark negative feelings.
I did go to a few AA meetings, but have not gone for two weeks because they left me feeling drained and exhusted.
I keep checking in on here every now and again.
Today will be a better day.