Ahhhh......."I drink when it makes no sense". Now that one hit home for me.
I was at that point where I was just so dissappointed in myself for messing something good up in my life. I often was so confused and thought that I drank at times when it seemed no one else would have. I was confused, scared, and alone. I wanted things to change.
Then I tried to stop. I had no plan. I did not do anything different. I drank.
Then it got worse. I drank more. I drank at times when it made no sense and I accepted it as being okay because it had progressed too far. I accepted myself as a probable alcoholic. I gave up trying. I figured whatever happens will happen...good or bad. Then bad happened. I almost lost my family.
I am glad you may be here at SR before things get that bad for you. Become involved. Educate yourself. Jump in feet first. What do you have to lose?? Actually....everything.