Hey Titanic.
I don't know if I have any 'wisdom' to share.
I've just gotten to the point where I stay out of his disease. Maybe if I had stayed out of it years ago, he would have hit a REAL bottom and sought REAL recovery. I think maybe my well-intentioned interference just prevented him from hitting his true bottom (whatever that might be). All the rehab stays in the world...all the counseling...all the AA meetings...won't mean a thing if the desire for recovery doesn't start with the alcoholic. All those years I spent pushing one thing or the next only made things worse...on both of us.
As for our son and me...I have restructured my life so that I dont have to rely on exah for anything. No expectations = no resentments. My son and I have al anon and al ateen and a whole of new group of friends who understand what we are going thru. The program is giving us the tools we both need to live healthy, happy lives regardless of what my exah is doing. What a gift!!