hello
I have been through detox and rehab before a few years ago, so as not to lose my job and what might have happened afterwards.
This time around I think I might be a newcomer to recovery, as there is not much external pressure, but I notice that time is passing and that keeping to myself and drinking and being clever on the internet is a poor substitute for real-life human connections.
In case it helps anyone else, I have felt like an outsider in many ways for decades: moving around a lot as a kid, being smart and creative, somewhat distant from my parents, turning out to be gay, avoiding extended family because of that, feeling shunned and/or repelled by the major religions (which I see as agents of control rather than love), missing out on just having guy friends, and not quite satisfied with the idea of meeting someone via a gay bar or Craigslist.
I'm in my fifties, and in a way I'm not just recovering, I'm still starting my life for the first time. There's some bleakness, bitterness, anger and despair here, and luckily I will croak sometime in the next few decades, but I think there are still some possibilities and reasons for hope.
I'm happy to see young people trying to nip this problem in the bud early. Please keep trying.
Also, on behalf of complete newcomers or even those giving it another try, who happen to go to any kind of group meetings, I would like to say that STARING does not help, especially for people who already feel like outsiders or targets or have social anxiety. Please be mindful of that. Thanks!