This isn’t a we thing, this is a her thing. What you need to do is totally different.
Detox is just detox, no magic cure and she will still not be feeling well when she gets out. Two nasty drugs to kick, each a bit different and yet the same…xanax is highly mental with the kick, tramodol will have both the physical and mental. There is no way to predict to what degree because there are many factors involved, especially with opiate wd, the brain doesn’t forget and every kick is worse than the last one. And while xanax wd presents a seizure risk tramodol is a dangerous drug to be taking at that dose, the seizure risk is huge and once you have the first one you can best be sure that more will follow even under the max daily dose of 400 mgs. And yes kicking will remove the risk.
For her hopefully the option is on the table for her to go to right to rehab. This would be her best chance and from there she can even move on to a sober living facility which will just give her more of a chance.
Depression is a big thing … but her willingness to be done will be more important. If you can accept this as a process you just have to go through it makes it a whole lot easier.
You really to be your biggest concern with everything.
She is safe for the time being, which tends to make it easier for those who watch to now turn their attention to themselves, where is should have been all along.
If you want her to have a chance and I am not going to mince words … let her go, give her back her addiction and let her run it all out her way … there will be no other way for her to get it. Then work on you, just you. It doesn’t work any other way. You can not save her, you can not fix her but you sure as hell can keep her trapped in her addiction by enabling.
This is not about staying or leaving either. It is about taking the time to get educated, to read on codependency, on enabling, on addiction. It is about finding your why’s, not obsessing over why she is as she is. The relationship will not have any chance to survive if you both do not work on yourselves first and foremost.