Alcohol always made me feel better too. My problem was that the periods without alcohol were becoming increasingly difficult to handle. My anxiety was getting out of control, I was depressed and irritable all the time. It was taking more and more alcohol on top of xanax or kolonopin to get me to feel right. Problems piled up and I broke. That's where my motivation came from.
Thanks to the program of AA, I was able to not only recover from alcoholism, but am able to enjoy sobriety free of anxiety and depression. I am happy and 100% chemical-free for over 4 years now.
There is a better life out there for you. Drunk is not the best you can feel. It takes some effort. For me AA did and still does the trick. Others will have input on what works for them. Best wishe to you.