Fathom

I have to agree that, particularly at the beginning of sobriety, my AH's emotional state was... Not predictable. And, he did not communicate well with me. When he got like that, I gave up trying to communicate my thoughts with him, too. After reading stories on SR, I realized that none of his inner tumult was about me whether he claimed it was or not, and only he was responsible for fixing himself. That knowledge gave me some pretty thick skin.

I also want to mention though, something I've gotten pretty sensitive to over the last few years (maybe my skin isn't so thick after all). My AH would often make snarky comments at me that were honestly not nice. He would be sarcastic and condescending and then deny it. he had the idea that I was interpretting his meaning based on something other than his words taken at face value. He refused to acknowledge the role that non-verbal cues have in our everyday communication - things like tone of voice and body language. He actually asked me to tutor him on the subject like he was a three-year old. I understand now that he was gaslighting me, and it was effective for a long while. I can't say how he convinced me to quiet that inner voice of mine letting me know something was wrong, but he did. Now, I will never again stand someone telling me to just "take my words literally." I don't think that's a reasonable option for most adult conversations.

I say, if he's not capable of communicating or dealing with his emotions in an adult way, give him space. He's not in a good place in his head right now. But, with just a short time sober, that is normal. Just don't let him make you doubt yourself or deny your own feelings.

Take care,
Fathom