We Can't Talk
17 Days Sober
I can't talk to my newly sober AH. I can't talk to him at all.
I can't even look at AH.
I came home today after a short business trip. He didn't say a single word to me. Just sat in his office.
I know that he's mad because I got a babysitter and had the kids stay at the neighbor's house. I try to tell myself to let him be angry. That I don't care. But I do care. So, I react to him AGAIN. Even thought I told myself that I wouldn't. I tell him that I don't appreciate the silent anger.
And he says that he's not angry. He's ashamed. He says that he talked to his therapist who said that he would have feelings and that I should let him feel them.
Okay....it might not be anger, but it's still directed at me. And it's still about him. Is there a right and a wrong way to have feelings? I have no idea. If there was a wrong way, though, this would be it.
We argue about it but it's like we're speaking two different languages. I'm saying something normal in my language, but it's a horrible insult in his language. And he says a normal word in his language, which is taboo in mine.
We can't connect in any single way at all. Not at all. It would be so much easier if we were separate, but he won't go and neither will I. So, we're stuck in the same place together and I'm just thinking at him .... leave, leave, leave.
Because honestly, I don't think that either one of us can recover with the other one there.
And I'm just so confused.