Your post brought two things to mind for me.
Primarily - a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders and from my heart, along with an ocean of anger, when I just accepted that his reality was different from my reality. It just was and that was OK. I had no obligation, or right even, to get him to see it my way or to change his perceptions. My truths and my reality was all I needed to move forward with my life. His perceptions did not control or trump mine. It was a great freedom. I also began to realize that alcoholism was in control of his perceptions. I don't know if he even believed what he was saying but with a little space it became more clear that addiction was driving his train and I won't win against that - I can just get out of the way.
Now that he is sober I suspect the crazier stuff he said has left his 'reality' but I'm still quite sure his perception of our history is different from mine. That is OK.
Secondarily - I didn't always make the best decisions and in hindsight I would have done some things differently. When I quit trying to change his perceptions I could back off defending my mistakes. I was able to say (to him or just myself) "You know what - I regret my actions/decisions/whatever in some instance. I will do it differently in the future." The gift was that I was able to separate out regret from guilt. I did not have to be perfect to still be true to, and take care of, myself. I had no obligation to stay with him just because I had made mistakes too.
Take care. Have you read the stickies at the top? They really helped me a lot - there is soooo much support and information in them.