This is significant: You grew up with an alcoholic father & your mom died of cancer when you were young. So sad, and I am so sorry! But that and the approaching "empty nest" screams fear of abandonment and reliving the trauma to me.
Are there any Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings around? Check this out too, especially numbers 2 & 12, and the last line of your last post; I'm just saying it's something to think about
:
The Problem - Adult Children of Alcoholics - World Service Organization, Inc.
How about Codependents Anonymous meetings in your area?