Dear BlueSkies, this is still a new ballgame for you. You are learning in the school of experience---just as he is. The further you get on the road of your own growth, it will get easier to "weather" the ups and downs.
I think it is different when the A is a child rather than a partner, in some ways. With a child, it was our responsibility to attend to them and to monitor them. Being attuned to how they are feeling and what they are doing is a part of nurturing the young. As a matter of fact, one is considered to be a poor mother if that isn't done. The law also requires it. We do that for the better part of 2 decades! It becomes "second nature" for us.
Detaching from that is a process---it doesn't happen overnight, and there are no user manuals. Add a special situation---like a serous illness or Alcoholism (for example)---it makes it m ore complicated and a bit harder.
As they take flight into adulthood and spend less physical time under our radar, I think there are some blessings. It frees us up from that constant responsibility of that
awareness---of every thing and every event in their lives.
Now that mine are grown, I treasure them as much and enjoy all the "normal" times with them as precious moment to be treasured. BUT, there are so many things that I don't even want to hear about!!!
BlueSkies, you will find out what I am talking about.
I just wanted to share this bit of "mommy' experience with you.
Keep your faith. Day at a time.
dandylion