Originally Posted by
cli 
Wait, I believe an
apology is meant to reduce one's own guilt, while also vowing never to cause the same harm again. But making
amends means to repair the damage one has already done to others. At least that's what the dictionary tells me. Is this why no one here has a positive Step Nine story to tell (as a recipient)...?
Others may join the conversation with positive stories. I have my own, but they are related to how I felt when I made my own amends through my Step work. Not because I made them, but because acknowledging my limitations allowed me to work on those, and become a better person through it all.
I freely admit I placed high expectations on the concept I had at the time of what amends would look like. More than anything, I wanted to be
respected instead of
apologized to. Apologies, in my world, mean nothing if the behaviors one is apologizing for don't change. I could have forgiven and lived with the past if the present had changed, amends or not.
So for me, the process of making amends, or apologizing, however one wants to interpret the definitions, isn't sincere if there is no behavior change that follow it up. It is only words, no matter how nice they may be at the moment.