Hi, Dawn. I am recognizing myself in many things you are talking about and realize it hurts a lot. Sometimes I wanted to crush my head because I had not idea what in the hell is going on there.
Do you drink till the morning because you don't want the morning to come when you have to confront all this harsh reality? What is that you are afraid so much? What's your major fear that drives into into drinking? Sorry, to ask these questions but I just feel how you are torturing. Is there anything you like? Is there anything you've been dreaming about but did not have time to do or thougt I did not deserve?
I agree with Pipparina, try to make a plan next time. And, you know, when it's nigth in Sydney, it's day in Moscow. So chances are I'll be here arount do chat with you).
And Dawn, "it's always the darkest before the dawn". Do not lose hope in yourself.