Codependant Defenses-Part 3
My Gatekeeper
The hardest thing for any of us to do is to have compassion for ourselves. As children we felt responsible for the things that happened to us. We blamed ourselves for the things that were done to us and for the deprivations we suffered. There is nothing more powerful in this transformational process than being able to go back to that child who still exists within us and say, "It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, you were just a little kid."
To be able to say "I Love you" to the child/children within us, and to the person who we are today, and really mean it on an emotional level, is one of the goals of this process."
At the core of the disease of codependency is toxic shame - the feeling that something is wrong with who I am, with my being. The feeling that we are somehow unlovable and unworthy, inherently defective, is at the heart of the fear of intimacy defenses that our ego's adapted to protect our hearts in early childhood. "I am unlovable and it is my fault" - is the core lie of codependency.
"One of the hardest things for any of us to do is to learn to have compassion for our self. In childhood we felt like it was our fault that our wounded parents treated us in the way they did. We felt that any abuse, deprivation, neglect, and/or abandonment (actual or emotional) was because there was something wrong with who we were - that we were defective or bad or evil or unlovable in some way. . . . I will be continuing the discussion of emotional intimacy in my columns here in the coming months - including sharing how my fear of intimacy caused me to sabotage my latest romantic relationship which in turn led to me opening my heart in a Truly magnificent way."
"There are people whom we have a closer vibrational relationship to than other people - people who we can feel closer and more connected to within a few hours of meeting them than we do to people we have known our whole life. . . . . . . . There are always multiple levels of reality, of vibrational energy dynamics, involved in this human experience we are having. . . . . The Truth is that someone can feel familiar in a way that recreates our wounding with our parents / patterns - and be a soul mate also. In fact, it is inevitable that when we do meet someone who is our soul mate - or even more powerfully our twin soul - there will be Karma to settle."
Even before I had met in person the woman who was such a magnificent catalyst for my growth this year, such an amazing teacher for me in my recovery, I felt a powerful connection to her. When I did meet her on December 16th 2003, it was what I described as "thunderbolt experience" that took my breath away. This was a feeling of connection that involved much, much more than mere physical attraction - this was Truly a Cosmic and Karmic connection of great power.