That book has been on my list for a while. There is also a book called Gaslighting, I don't remember the author. It's not specific to substance abuse issues, but it's really good for seeing the hidden manipulations we fall prey to. Good for you for changing the outcome of that conversation!!!
I feel like a victim when I'm afraid to be me because he'll be angry, or mock me, or dismiss me, or whatever me. Also when I try desperately to be understood, and it's clear that he doesn't even want to try because he's too wrapped up in his own stuff.