One time, about 10 years ago I woke up from a dead sleep to hear what I thought was my significant other whisper really hurtful, cruel things to me. I went into a full blown panic attack and obsessed about it for a long time. I didn't mention it to him, thank god, and finally realized that it was my subconscious mind making me hear what I was thinking about myself in my head. And the funny thing is that I was not drinking or using at the time. Go figure, huh?
You're right, dear. Getting help for yourself is the most important thing right now. Be strong for YOU.
jojo