I am so sorry for your pain and losses. I have read many peoples posts about how grief counseling has helped even when their wasn't was a death and just a divorce. Have you ever tried it? I wish I had when my mother passed away.
It's kind of sad but when I read about someone posting (including myself) about long their loved one has been clean, I read with such skepticism now.
Drug use and relapses can be very deceiving to someone filled with such love and hope.