cathy4

I came to SR a little over a month ago because at that point I was trying to decide if it was a good idea for ABF to move in with me. Even though I KNEW the answer I still tried to convince myself that MY ADDICT is different! He wasn't like all of your addicts! Mine was SPECIAL! Even though I knew the truth! You all told me it was a bad idea but the tiny rebel in me wanted to prove you, myself and him wrong. While I did this everything you guys said stuck with me! And I cannot THANK YOU enough for the voice you kept in my head about what I deserved and what id be up against!

My boyfriend moved in and over all it was a good situation,same as our whole relationship, aside from his addiction. Which at the time was opiate pills of all sorts. About 5 days ago he came to me in a state I've never seen him or anyone else, he was in full blown withdraw and it was rough. I stuck right beside him for 2 days as he suffered giving him hope and encouragement and helped in any physical, emotional, mental way I could. He opened up to me about his desires to quit and the life he deserved, and even addmitted he had actually moved onto snorting heroin as his DOC. MIND YOU. His addiction is not a once a week, or even once a day occurance, more like 3-5 times a DAY! Honestly you'd never know, he sounds like he'd be really bad, but he's actually a highly functional addict and is a great boyfriends aside.

After 2 days of withdraw he gave in and decided to lie about it. I obviously could tell.he went from deathly sick to perfectly normal within hours.... I was questioning him but THAT'S. When it hit me! I SOULDNT HAVE TO QUESTION HIM! That's not the life or relationship I want! Even best case senerio, ill never trust him, ill always be worried our world would be destroyed at any moment.... and now is my time to do it since I have no permenant connections to him. I struggled for 3 days to tell him, and yesterday I told him and he was pretty respectful and agreed. I know he doesn't want to put me through this. I really do believe he loves me.

So now comes the struggle! I miss him! I don't want to lose him. I lost my 15month old daughter in 2004 which has not only turned me into a major codependant but also struggle really bad with losing people in my life. But I feel bad for him. He deserves so much more. I don't want to leave him worst off and with the people that got him to where he is.....

PLEASE REMIND ME I DESERVE BETTER! PLEASE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T LOVE A HEROIN ADDICT!