I think back....2006 was my darkest year out of a buffet of dark years to choose from. My early dark years were not of my design. They were from my step fathers alcoholic hand. But 2006? Nope, that was all me.
That's when crack entered my life.
Crack takes your soul. It makes you think everything is great. Until you come down even a little bit. And then you wrestle the pipe for another hit.
Coming out of a crack induced stupor is one of the most skin shedding experiences I have ever felt.
It's a place between here and hell for me. A true place of darkness. A place I seemed comfortable to visit over and over and over.
How does one escape the darkness? How did I escape? Was I spared for some bigger more grand reason? I dam sure hope.
What triggered thoughts of those moments? I went to a meeting last night and this guy mentioned a few things. I sure hope this post does not do the same for anyone struggling.
I am sharing because its rather over whelming to go there. But cathartic as well.
I have escaped the darkness through grace and forgiveness alone.
To anyone else who struggles with this I hope you find you way out like I did. It's possible.
I was surrounded by users. I could have ten people over all doing it. And I thought that was fun.
Grateful? Are you kidding me? I am sitting ready to go into an all day business meeting that I am a key player in. It's a long way from the darkness of my past. I will look around at everyone and think to myself.... I wonder if anyone else in this room has done crack?
It's good to put things in perspective sometimes. If nothing to make today better by comparison. But to be honest today needs no comparisons to be better. It just is.
Went to my meeting last night. It was moving the stories. I go again tonight.
I have done a lot of healing recently. I feel good about things. And very hopeful.
If that's what it means to escape the darkness then I have broke free. Time to discover new things.
K