Living with an active A is very confusing. I had a hard time detaching in the beginning too. For me, first I had to learn how to stop acting out my anger. I still felt it as strong as before, but I stopped expressing it in non-constructive ways towards the A. Instead of yelling, I ignored him completely, went to bed, left the house with the kid, called a friend, etc. After a while, the anger lessened because I had other options how to deal with it and learned how to turn the situation into a postive experience for myself. And even though we were still in the same house, I put some distance between us, ie. I told him I no longer had texting on my phone, I wouldn't answer his calls when I was at work, he slept in a separate bedroom, I no longer attended functions where I knew he would drink. I did this because otherwise I was thinking about him and the problem all day long. Out of sight, out of mind.
Yes, I did stay and yes things are getting better. But they didn't start getting better until I was on the brink of leaving. Even though things are better, I'm still practicing detaching.