Awww honey, you are not a fool.
You are dealing with addiction, a horrible, horrible disease.
YOu did not cause it, you can not control it, and you can not cure it.
The only thing you can change is you, your life, and your path.
YOu do not deserve this, and it will eat you alive.
How can we help? Maybe sometime away would be good, if you can manage that in anyway possible.
No , you are not a fool, you are human, you have feelings, and they are valuable. Please keep posting. We are here.
Love to you Katie