Originally Posted by
uniquesituation 
I always liked trying to win at something, as I said above, I don't mind losing, as long as I'm trying. I'm not trying at anything these days.
Working on the assumption that you are on your way to being dependant on alcohol, what you have described above may the emerging manifestation of alcohol eating your soul.
Despite my dire prediction life in immeasurably more fun and interesting sober. Alcohol induces a state of dissatisfaction, and hides behind our ability to rationalise.