RachelNorth

I am coming up to 7 months sober. Things a bit flat but a million times better than before. I broke up with my drinking relationship in January and got sober in April of this year. I have kept in touch with him and still see him about once a week.

Heres the rub, I have booked to go away with him for 2 weeks at the beginning of November. I need to get out of this, this is too much of a challenge to my soberity. We always drank when we were together and he still does when I see him, but I can be strong in my own home, and only for a few hours. He is not good for me, thats why I got out, I knew I would never get sober with him. Not only because he is a drinker but because he affects my self esteem negatively.

It seemed like a good idea at the time, I was still keen on him and delighting in my new found soberity, I thought a holiday in the sun would be great, and a change to do it sober. But now I know that is too much of a challenge. The resort is 5 star all inclusive, I can't face it.

The devil on my shoulder says go and drink just for the fortnight, give up again when you get back. Take some time out from the sensible life and have a blast, forget everthing in a way that only booze can do. But last year we went to same kind of resort, I have never drunk so much or felt so ill in my life. As I posted back in May, every day I thought I was in heaven but every morning I thought I was in hell. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

I am going to bed now. I have a lot to face to cancel this, we go in less than 3 weeks and he will lose all the money. I have great friends who are very supportive but they will think why can't I go and not drink, I have managed 7 months, but it is about his company and its many drinking triggers.

Thanks for listening.