Sorry to hear you're not doing so well Julius x I have suffered with those thoughts all my life and they didn't really go away early on, it takes time and effort. When I first quit I still had those feelings but I knew that alcohol made them worse and had been doing that my whole life. I just had to not drink and trust that things would get better. The one thing you should know is that you really are not alone. Sometimes people close to us find addiction issues very difficult to deal with but there are many of us out there who want you to get sober and see you right. Could you maybe go to a meeting or talk to you doctor about getting counselling? x