(((Gracey)))
Do you want him to stay home with you because you enjoy his company or so that you don't have to worry that he is drinking or cheating?
I don't think that you bring the BS on yourself. What he is doing is not your fault. He is responsible for what he is doing. You have every right to not trust him - he's proven he's not trustworthy. You are not crazy for feeling the way you do.
You also have a right to acknowledge those feelings and turn them into something productive for you. He chooses to let his anger and his drinking control his life. You don't have to let it control your's too.
L