She's 19, she has two jobs and goes to school, she has her friends and her social life. She is a great kid. And I have no problem with him spending time with her. I do have a problem with the fact that she couldn't be bothered to come up and see him for the past year while he was literally dying. She has always lived with her mother. He talks to her daily, but hasn't lived with her in 10 years, way before I came into the picture.
He stated that he is conflicted about wether to spend time with her or with me.
Ummm I'm the one that has been dealing with this front row center for the past two years, I'm the one that has been wiping your ass and your tears, I'm the one that goes to work everyday to pay for the roof over your head and the health insurance that has kept you alive. Me, all me! Our marriage is the thing that needs to be repaired.
I'll be frank. A parent's relationship with a child should be prioritized over other relationships, including your marriage. That he's been an active addicts says that his child is probably pretty annoyed with him, or traumatized by him, and that the ball is in his court as far as repairing that relationship.
She has her own car, job, friends, and social activities? GOOD. She has the trappings of being a normal child instead of being paralyzed as the (barely) adult child of an alcoholic.
Perhaps you could find some therapy or attend Al-Anon so you can explore this anger and competitiveness.