MesoFreak, I remember that feeling of anticipation when a good drunk was being planned. The events got more frequent, and they got less anticipation until it was a frequent event, and then a daily one.
I'm not sure tho if I get what your post means, are you saying that you failed because you are planning to get drunk tonight? That this is a done deal? Are you asking our permission? We're not really good at that around here.
A guy in your spot, in college, with the choices you have, it doesn't sound like the world is against you all that much. I bet you still have your hair. You can decide to quit doing this to yourself anytime, because this really is your choice.