Continued...
Although I had not gotten involved in any relationships that had lasted any length of time since that two year relationship, the women who I had romantic experiences with for brief periods of time since then all had a gatekeeper that could be mean and vicious. That was one of the wonderful things about the relationship experience that I had this year - that actually started in December of 2003.
The woman I was involved with this year was a quantum leap forward in terms of my patterns. She was not mean and abusive. When her gatekeeper kicked in she could be cold and distant - and sometimes would behave in ways that felt kind of cruel or mean, but she was not mean and vicious in the things she said - even in the times when her pent up rage was triggered. It was actually great progress that she was able to access that rage - and our relationship was the first time she had ever had someone who was safe enough to really be able to express her anger to. She has been a people pleaser in her life, and part of the ironic perfection of our relationship is that the times when I would react out of some codependent insanity actually helped her to learn to own her anger and set boundaries. Her patterns were similar to mine in that she was either people pleasing and being deprived and abused or running away - so the fact that she hung in there with me so long and was willing to confront issues and work through them was great. I believe that the reason she hung in there for as long as she did was because of the powerful level of soul connection between us - a connection that her Gatekeeper puts in a great deal of energy trying to deny. She has run away now - and may never come back, which is very sad to me. But I am still incredibly grateful for all that I have learned from what has been the most powerful and authentic emotionally intimate relationship I have ever had the privilege of experiencing with anyone. If she doesn't come back, the lessons I have learned in the relationship will make it possible for me to be much more present and Loving in my next relationship.
This is part 1 of the article by Robert Burney. Part 2 is coming soon.