hi laurie, oh, yes, i have always been 'backed off'. have never pushed anything with or on him. we are not currently together. i always respected his boundaries, though it was not always clear until incidents such as the above happened. as i said, i had NO IDEA what i was dealing with. what a crazy ride it's been. how i wish he would have told me what was going on. i guess in some ways my innocence protected me- i saw it all with really the eyes of a child, id never seen anything like this before. and i loved this person. i could feel his pain. but i did know it wasnt mine. i think he kind of expected me to go in and rescue, but i didn't. i kep his boundaries, where indicated and mine. nevertheless, its been a bewildering experience.