You are correct, we cannot control the actions of others.........
And I think it's great that you are taking time for yourself, you sound like you both feet planted on the ground.
The longer we are in a relationship, the more we learn about the other person,( that is why we have the dating time) you now know she has been coddled her whole life, she does not possess alot of ambition, and does not seem to be very responsible........ So the next question would be are these worthy qualities you look for in a partner???
May I ask, just how long has she been in recovery?
This is all you, YOU get to CHOOSE.
Best of Luck!