oh just remembering things that happened / were said- when i said - dont you want to be intimate he said 'Yes that is just the problem!! i DO want to have sex with you!! this was even more bewidering- he WANTED to he COULD, but Didnt / wouldnt....i couldnt make any sense of it, and i didnt begin to know what quesitons to ask...i was so sensitive to HIS needs/ feelings etc etc. sheesh. thanks to SR there are times tonight when i have thought..gee i drank a cup of poison...and i am still just coming to..not that he was poisonous, but it was beildering and painful to love desire and care for someone, and be held as he said 'at arm's length'. so he knew what he was doing, but i could never really get out of him why, exactly. tx for reading! :-)