Ah,hello, once again another 'Newbie' neophyte question...this one i hope is not too thorny for y'all....my RAXBF seemed to believe he had all kinds of problems when it came to sex..told me he basically couldnt do it any more. Yet we did, no problem. When it happened the first time he said "Oh, I didnt think that ( ie his... um err....phallus ) worked any more' . I said, well, hey - newsflash- it does. yet he still persisted to act as if it didnt. When I got close to him he would go light headed and if anything sexual happened I was honestly terrified as i thought he could die- have a stroke or a coronary. he actually went to the doc, who said it was actually GOOD for him to begin having sex, yet he still avoided it, had fainting fits if i even kissed him etc etc...and he still insisted in some way, even tho the doc had said it was good that he couldnt have sex or 'give me what i want or need in a relationship' ( tho he never asked me actually what that was !!) he said he 'wished he was the man he used to be' etc, but really there wasnt actually anything wrong with his ability to perform, but it seemed he had the problem with the contact, the intimacy..or something...i could not figure out what exactly. the frustration was huge, but i put that on hold as i was so concerned for his health. im a very attractive girl in every way, so it didnt really hurt my self esteem, well not much- but it made me feel TERRIBLY sad for him. and of course, the level of bonding and intimacy was stymied and confounded by the strange avoidance he had of sex, even when it had been proven he really had no problems, nor any reason to avoid it. this is just another one of the many many bewildering things i endured in knowing this man, who i did and do care for very very deeply. its wonderful to have the SR community to talk to..i feel i have travelled a long was in short time via your insight and wisdom. yet i still find i need to process all the inexplicable, weird, sad, selfish, behaviours i saw....as much as anything I am learning hugely from this experience. would anyone else share their experiences with where libido/ sexuality/ intimacy fits into the RA paradigm- from either side of the fence. is this weird isolating thing typical of A's or RA's? Many thanks :-)
