Originally Posted by
bluebelle 
Did you see The Language of Letting Go for 10/10? It is right on target. It's called Payoffs of Destructive Relationships.
Wow! I do read that every day but hadn't yet. God is good all the time!
So when my husband said that (from the other thread) -at the same time, I was learning about codependency and selfishness from my Untangled Relationships (coda) class and workbook and it wasn't really clicking! I was struggling to find my "payoffs" and I was discussing this with a friend and him. During our argument, after he said that - the light bulb came one. I understood it!!
Of course, I want my husband to be clean for the obvious reasons but I had selfish motives in that as well. I feared change, I feared starting over, I feared not having his salary as a means to live. I still had that "he needs to be clean for me to be happy" thinking. (not to imply that I would stay with him if we wasn't working his recovery) I hope I am explaining myself better this time. lol