I want to first thank everyone for sharing and letting me into your lives and for me to see I am not alone in this.
I was sick as a dog last week with the flu, so I think it gave me time to think in between sleeping.
I know that nothing I do or say will make him change. All the love in the world hasn't helped so far.
I have researched meetings here for me to go to and I plan on going starting this weekend as I am playing catch up at work this week.
I was thinking today of the when the last real conversation that we had that didn't involve fighting or empty threats has been a long long time ago. We are more like 2ships that pass in the night. We only have small talk and I look at him and think what the heck I am doing? We have almost nothing in common except the children.
He did go to 1 AA meeting but hasn't been to any more. I want to hope he does but in my heart, I know he most likely won't.
My daughter has her court date tomorrow and I have stepped back and told him to take her as I had job responsibilities. I figure they are both addicts so they belong together. I hope I don't sound harsh towards my daughter but the battle with her has been for the last 4 years too. Between the 2 of them, I have decided I am not going to let them kill me. I have many reasons to move on. New grand baby, another one on the way and many things I still want to do in my career.
I have a stressful job but it's a rewarding type of stress if that makes any sense. I am a nurse and work in a large hospital based head and neck oncology clinic. I deal with people's lives everyday. I look at them and they are wishing they were not sick, they didn't have a choice in getting cancer. I then come home and look at these 2 and think wow, they do have a choice, but they don't care.
I will let y'all know how court goes and how my first meeting goes after. I did also join a gym and have been once, but plan on going at least 2 x a week.
It's time to take care of me. I know it will not be easy and I will stumble but I think I can do it. Reading success stories here is very encouraging.
God, I am glad I found y'all.