Mel1234

Where to start? I'm 38 & I've known I've had a problem for years. Prob since I was teen. I've always drank to excess, with freq black outs. I stopped drinking in my early 20's but at 30 I developed a rare disease that causes chronic pain. I started drinking again around same time. At that time I didn't drink everyday but when I did (half of week) I did til I puked or blacked out. This reckless behavior caused me to be distant from my children & an affaire on my husband. I also was using rx pain meds.
About two years ago I was terminated from my pain doctor because of drinking . I was warned a few times & knew was could happen. I started drinking every night then. Never drank during day so I kept telling myself that since I didn't drink during day I didn't have a problem. Most mornings I couldn't remember what all happened.
I found out about a year ago that I have liver damage. I was told not to drink or it could get worse & need a liver transplant. I still continued to drink. My symptoms are getting worse.
I use my pain as an excuse & because my husband doesn't liked to see me hurting he doesn't say anything. He is my enabler. He doesn't know or won't admit I have a problem. Mostly because I don't tell him about my blackouts & everything else. He drinks with me most nights. I drink as much or more & he has 200 lbs on me. I don't know how to tell him.
My best friend & her husband (also our next door neighbors) drink a lot too. I feel like every time I say ( to myself) I'm quiting or cutting back I am tempted. I lost all of my other friends when I got sick, so I'm afraid of losing her.
I do feel a little better now that I beared my soul. I feel better that I'm now honest with myself. I just don't know what to do now.

Thanks-Mel