Originally Posted by
tjp613 
In it's simplest form, enabling is doing for another what they are capable of doing for themselves. Helping is doing for another what they canNOT do for themselves. This does NOT mean you pay rent on her behalf because she's choosing to do drugs and alcohol instead of getting a job and paying her bills. She doesn't have to worry about that stuff because she knows you will!
If you got hit by a train tomorrow, what would she do then? You are not her only solution. Just step WAY back. What is the use of you calling her to find out if she's gone to meetings or not, or whether she has this girl's phone number, etc. If your daughter wants recovery, she will find her own way. If all she needs is to keep you enmeshed so that he bills are paid, then she'll just tell you what you want to hear!
When you unplug she'll start feeling the real pain of using...but not a moment sooner.
This is my challenge right now. I appreciate hearing that I need to "unplug". I need to work on that. I've texted her 3 times since she visited with her little girl last night (under supervision of her ex-husband). Not one time has she answered. I will not try to contact her again. She had asked my husband to come up tomorrow (his day off) and he said he would, but they didn't work out specifics. If it is important to her, she will contact him.