It's a characteristic of an alcoholic personality.
Their heads are not in the same place ours are.
The thinking is manipulative, manipulation is not hurtful to you, it's a way to learn a lesson.
The entire alcoholic personality does these hurtful things , and sees them a nothing, because it supports the addiction.
That is more precious to them then anything, whatever gets in the way, gets kicked to the curb. At some point, we don't enable as we once silently did, that's always the beginning of the end.
Trying to stick up for yourself is the beginning of the end. If you want to stay together, keep your mouth shut, do what I say, never defie me or argue with me, have sex when I want, get me booze when I want, if I give you ****, take it or it's done. My experience anyway.