Thanks for all the thoughtful replies, and also for those that are slightly less, um, nuanced. To clarify, she didn't say "don't contact me" - she said that she wasn't "comfortable" talking on the phone right then, and if I wanted to communicate, to do so in writing and through her lawyer. I do attend Al-Anon meetings, regularly, and it has been incredibly helpful. After asking for lots of advice, from Al-Anon, AA, here, and with non-program friends, I think I'm not going to tell her about the cancer, at least not right now. I may change my mind depending on the results of the biopsies, but for now, there is no benefit to any additional stress, and AW has proved repeatedly that she is incapable of providing any type of meaningful support. As lillamy suggests, if I interrogate my motives, there is probably something going on beyond a desire to share important news. But DesertEyes is right that sharing news with the person who for a long time was the most important in my life, even if that has dramatically changed over the past six months, is a perfectly understandable habit. Still, I can identify at least one ulterior motive - to see whether there is still a connection and find out if she is doing anything to treat her CD. The reality is that I set a significant boundary - get treatment or we are through - and she decided she'd rather leave and continue to destroy her life with drinking and Xanax than stop. There is no reason to think that's changed, so I will continue to take care of myself and try to let go of the past.