Originally Posted by
onlythetruth 
makeabigplan,
I'm in the odd position of being someone who did AVRT without realizing it at the time. I suspect this is why Jack Trimpey refers to AVRT as essentially a distillation (pardon the pun) of the technique real people really use to quit an addiction.
Because of this, though, I spent little time in debate with my AV. Oh, it was there all right, but I guess I kind of expected that and didn't pay it a whole lot of heed. Ha, I remember one time about 6 months after I quit, when I had an emotional crisis over a personal loss and was sobbing in the corner of my room, nearly catatonic with pain. There was a bottle of tequila in the house for a party we were giving the next day. Old AV kept poking me, reminding me of the bottle and the numbness it would provide. I ignored it. "Not an option" was all I thought.
I say this because I think that while it's valuable to recognize the AV and combat its sneaky ways, the real beauty is in the decision. Very few things in life are black and white, nor should they be, but at least for me the the decision was and always has been paramount.
I guess the question for me is: what is holding you back, REALLY holding you back from making the decision?
When I read the post I quoted above from you (in my first post) I had about as close to an epiphany as one can get without actually having one. I thought that it was so beautifully simple and complete but why couldn't I do it?
I get that Jack Trimpey did not—and does not claim to have—invent(ed) AVRT but rather it is the lore of self-recovery in a condensed format and that you followed what is essentially AVRT even though you didn't realise it (and in that sense you are not in an odd position but rather part of the large self-recovered population). What I don't get and am really struggling with is how did you know at the time that you'd packed it in for good? That's what I can't do. I feel like I know AVRT inside out but when I make the decision the Beast always gets the better of me.
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
I guess the question for me is: what is holding you back, REALLY holding you back from making the decision?
It want to make it
and mean it so, so badly but I can't. It's like the Beast can howl a lot louder than I can. I know I get final cut on what goes into my body but somehow it always gets the better of me.