What is so wrong and broken with me that he doesn't even care to lie or hide what he does?
This made me teary-eyed too. Babe, there's not a
thing wrong with you. Yes, you're broken because you've lived with an addict. It breaks the strongest of us. Sometimes, I think of how often it's strong people who get involved with addicts. It's like we think we can handle them. But we can't. And so we break. And it's OK to be broken. It's nothing that can't be fixed. And it is SO much easier now that you don't have to dance around him.
There's nothing in you that made him behave the way he did.
Just like there's nothing in an abused woman that makes the abuser beat her.
Just like there's nothing in a rape victim that made her attacker rape her.
Same idea, different behaviors. It. Has. Nothing. To. Do. With. You. It's all on him. All on him. The only thing you need to worry about is why you let him. That's a hard enough nut to crack, I find.