Erinleigh03

It hit me two weeks ago that I had a major problem. I had woken up from a night that I don't remember. My husband was talking about events that had happened that night and I couldn't remember a thing. I began to panic...and panic I did for about two weeks. I continued to binge drink, and feel horrible amounts if guilt in the morning. Last Wednesday was the final straw. I had been on a binge, woke up at 2:30 puking my guts out and in a full blown anxiety attack. I called in sick to work and called my mom. Immediately she knew something was wrong. And I unloaded on her. She thought all the years I drank "socially". She was floored when I told her it was a full blown problem.

My dad is 25 years sober. He talks about his recovery a lot. My mom first suggested that I talk to him. I couldn't do it. I could not after 28 years of listening to him tell me how bad alcoholism is go tell him I am an alcoholic. I had visions of this sad disappointed face looking back at me and I just couldn't do it!
I got in my car, and it steered itself to his house. My mom was there and had told him I was coming over to talk. He was back on the patio table (where we do our most serious talking) waiting for me. We bagan taking about my stress in life that is piling up. How stressed I am with work and school and how I'm not managing my anxiety very well at all lately. I then I just said it...just blurted out, I'm drinking...A LOT. I couldn't even look at him in the face. And all he replied is, well, is it helping? I said no, it's making my life worse. And he said, well, there's your answer. We talked, we cried, he sobbed, I sobbed, he gave me a book and we read certain pages together. How wrong was I to think he would me mad, or judge me? The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribable. I hid things for so long and the emotional burden I carried became too much. We talked for hours. And when I left he made me promise to call him when I felt like a drink. He wants to see me get some serious help and will do anything I can to help me do that.

This man can make me crazy at times. He can be difficult, and rude and selfish. But when I was at my lowest of lows, he gave me encouragmeng and hope. Yesterday will be a memory I will cherish forever. I view my father in a completely different way now. I feel strong and confident about my recover because I've got him on my side.